Through my own personal experiences I have felt hurts to the core deeper than a sharp sword cuts. A burning reaction comes lingering from within and the thoughts of reaching a conclusion to these often and problematic issues race through eternity. I often have found that others don’t understand why I may have a certain reaction to being offended or hurt. Kathleen, my entirety, my understanding wife, often doesn’t understand why something that may be funny to others is just entirely too much for my emotions. Does everyone not feel deep within their hearts about themselves or the others they care about? Could this really be wearing my heart on my sleeve? Me, Leaving a bareness for anyone to burst into ash, I believe not. Can just anyone speak to most people without getting even the slightest reaction involving their soul? Deep emotion is what drives me through each day hanging on my coattails just waiting on me to fall. Is it too much to ask to be respected in your own home or by someone that you had given ample respect to? Maybe the respect should have never been disclosed. A woman can only take so many verbal hurts before the passion takes over. It begins to overturn all the hurts and pain that one person could ever feel in one moment. How can it be possible to feel so much hurt? I have often stumbled with this very thought. I have even gone great distances to try to keep it caged within a deep breath. According to John Locke’s, “An Essay Concerning Human Understanding”, every experience leads us to our own truths. If Locke is correct, would each hurt be something we as humans have to experience in order to find our own truth? This theory will remain up in the air until I one day have the ability to sit down with Locke and discuss this very topic. Maybe he wasn’t referring to our experiences as emotional. Although, Virginia Woolf has created a deeper understanding for my own need of writing. It seems at times I can only experience my own emotional outbursts in life through my own writing. Keeping my extreme rolling waves of thoughts closed and completed within myself — once and for all, but typed and enclosed in my own space. An outward approach only causes chaos and explosions of red gauging from my aching eyes, bursting speeds within rhythm, ringing that rushes from within, and only one thought of defense. Keeping anyone from knowing any inkling of my own thoughts. Of course, this reaction doesn’t always end well, so the need for retreat is often compelling to control myself from overreacting to something that could cause such feelings — Kissing my lips with the sweet silence of passionate emotional hurts. Reading often becomes a close connection to people for me, links our hurting souls forever more. Would life be much easier by just giving up? Yes, but after losing everything time and time again I refuse to lose what makes my heart leap. Oh My Sweet Kathleen, I often feel as though she could really do much better. Her brilliant mind keeps her soul constantly searching for her own truths as she swiftly moves through life — succeeding in everything. This allows her to face life in a collision of her own calculated device. As she throws her mind and thoughts carefully into mouths of others, but refuses to release emotion locking it in a cage, waiting for its exact push of release. Many days I wish she knew exactly how wonderful she has made my being. The sun rises at the mere thought of her, just knowing that one person has a sensus of my internal thoughts. Each and every clock turns and she is the only person I wouldn’t have to blink in order to fillet my internal chaos — spilling the guts of my every existence. Her sweet kiss and slender hands hold me tight without every letting go — leaving each breath simple yet completely satisfying………. The only safe place in the world. We have a sweet serenity of passionate truths between ourselves. Bonding our souls from any location — even hell, heaven and earth. Often just the idea of losing her is unthinkable — drawing tears from my heart and unearthing hollowed disaster. Tearing each piece of sanity through my endearing heartaches, unfolding each imaginable distraction throwing every thought through the constant non ending darkness.
Although, at times she leaves me like a sitting duck depending on who is in our company — Leaving me vulnerable through the pain and anguish caused by the only shadows left. Each shadow begins quickly falling one by one. Swallowing my last breath. Even destroying the one bond I hold most dear — the very BREATHE of my existence. The bond that has kept me moving through each swift storm — now left me with an eternal heartbreak that unfolds with each tearing slice of my aching heart. Fires begin to leech through my skin making an eternal reality of layering drought. No thoughts of green growth layering the days — stuck in a midst of no movement. All the love exasperating through a deep nothingness that left the earth with millions of thoughts driving my dying last force into the depths of hell. Drowning in an eternal fire.
Angela Bradley-Volz 